the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
The Wanlorn ([personal profile] the_wanlorn) wrote2011-05-23 01:34 pm

In Which Our Heroine Remembers She Promised Succulents

I'm sorry internet! I meant to make this post sooner -- I know I promised it to you on Friday -- but, well. On Friday I was too damned overwhelmed by the level of kindness and generosity the internet displayed to do much more than start at my paypal account and weep in gratitude. I can not thank you guys enough, or properly express how much it means to me that so many people were willing to help out. Thank you.

Then, on Saturday, I was at my parents' to do laundry and the cable/internet/phone had gone out on the entire street because of some lightning that hit new!neighbor's garage (and blew out all the windows and set things on fire and probably destroyed the wiring in her house*), which also blew out most of the internet-related electronics in my parents' house. So that was down all day and, when it finally worked again, I spent the rest of the time I was there setting up their fancypants new modem/router combo and convincing it to like linux. (I did, however, make massive headway in cleaning out their basement by both throwing things out and sorting things into keep, yardsale, and ebay boxes; I've gone through all my things that I planned on going through, and now I just need to get my sister down there for her things, but that is another entry).)

Yesterday I have no excuse beyond "lazy." BUT TODAY. TODAY I BRING YOU PICTURES OF MY SUCCULENTS. I have no idea what any of these are, except for the aloe plant. If anyone does know, I would not so no to information!

Uh, ihni what to put for alt text for these.  Sorry.
I really like the red of the stalk and the edges of the leaves in this one.


I am utterly fascinated by how these look like roses. That is so cool.


Similarly, I am utterly fascinated by how much these look like those lipstick things in ocean vents.


This is like. My third least favorite child. It is the ugliest one and I keep waiting for it to be like the ugly duckling.


HERE HAVE A FUZZY PICTURE.


I really fucking love these. They're just so round and cute!
The leaves are kind of like what I imagined lily pads to be when I was little.


And here is my new aloe plant.


LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF AN ALOE PLANT. Once upon a time, there was a girl who had a huge aloe plant that she'd had since she went away to college in 2005. And it prospered and thrived and was totally great and a huge comfort during summer because the girl was an idiot who eschewed sunscreen in favor of peeling sunburns and getting skin cancer.

So the girl kept her aloe plant up on her jellycupboard, and when she moved that to her bedroom, she put her beloved aloe plant on the top of the shelving unit she bought for her plants. Next to it, she put a small pot of narcissus.

Her douchebag!cat sit on the aloe pot and chewing on the narcissus leaves, even though they were poisonous you idiot all the other cats leave them alone what are you doing. So the girl would sit in the living room with a spray bottle of vinegar water since her douchebag!cat thought regular water was something to be ignored. Every time she sprayed him, he would launch himself off the aloe plant and back onto the ledge running around her apartment. The aloe plant would rock a little, but settle down.

One day, the girl sprayed her cat and, as he lept through the air, the aloe plant in its terra cotta pot tilted first one way

then the other

then back

then forth

then toppled off the shelf and crashed into the ground.

The pot shattered on impact. Soil flew across the room. Leaves broke off. Sap dripped onto a plastic garbage bag. Roots were mangled and destroyed.

The cat licked his paw.

The girl tried to save her plant, but it was not meant to be. No matter what she did, it slowly withered and died from the shock, until all she was left with was an empty plastic pot and a smug cat. So the girl went out and bought a new aloe plant, a baby that was a quarter the size of her old one, and put it in the new pot. Her old plant went out with the trash the very next day.

THE END


*I entertained some thoughts of talking to the woman who was selling it, because I'd known her all my life, and asking if she would be open to a rent-to-own deal. Before I did so, it sold. And, let me tell you internet, my first thought on hearing about the lightning was "Oh thank god I was too shy to talk to Nick's mum."

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