• Jul. 26th, 2010 at 12:45 AM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
HELLO THE INTERNET. I am going on vacation! I, in fact, leave on Tuesday! At sometime around 7! So I can take the train into Boston and catch a midnight bus to NYC and fuck around for a couple hours at, like, ass o'clock in the morning (no, really, if the bus runs on schedule, I'll get there around 4am) and catch another bus to Loltimore! And get there around 11:30am!

At which point I will have been up for nearly 24 hours and will want to murder everyone in the world. No, really, my reaction to, like, someone saying "Hi!" will be "I WILL MURDER YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY AND BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN AND PISS IN THE ASHES I HATE YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE >>>>>>>>>>>>:(" It occurs to me that the midnight bus was maybe a bad idea, even though it was only a dollar.

And then I will be gone for a week!

BUT REALLY, I AM MAKING THIS POST TO SAY that I have reached the pre-vacation point where there is nothing on god's green earth that I want to do less than go on vacation. It's like, wait, I have to leave my apartment? For longer than a couple hours? NOBODY TOLD ME THAT WHEN I SIGNED UP I WANT A REFUND.

Which is why I have been avoiding pretty much all of the internet, because it has me incredibly cranky and angry at everything. But at least I am okay enough to recognize that this isn't actually a reason to cancel because it happens every time I have to interact with people (LET'S NOT DISCUSS ALL THE TIMES I HAVE ALMOST CANCELED ON [personal profile] mona COMING OVER EVEN THOUGH THE ONLY EFFORT IT WOULD TAKE ME IS TO MOVE FROM MY BEDROOM TO THE LIVING ROOM). As opposed to, say, last year, when I think I canceled 90% of my plans to get together with people.

SO. There's that. I think I'm gonna go make [personal profile] everysecondtuesday give me whatever she has of a mod post for [community profile] coconutcurrytapenade so I can maybe finish it and feel less like I'm shirking all my duties.


  • Jun. 18th, 2010 at 10:15 PM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
Yesterday, my internet company called, and was like "uno your bill would be 12 bucks cheaper if you signed up for one of our other services." And I was like "No thanks, I'm not at all interested in them!" TOTALLY EXPECTING THAT THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH TO GET THE DUDE OFF THE PHONE. But no, he was like "...why not?"

...man, I did not have an answer prepared that wasn't, you know, the "because I either pirate or stream my TV until the DVDs come out and I can buy them" truth. (Speaking of DVDs, my A-Team DVDs will get here sometime in the next two weeks! THE DVD BOX IS SHAPED LIKE THE VAN YOU GUYS. So excited.)

Anyway, this is why I hardly ever answer the phone. If I don't have an answer prepared, I get all flummoxed and can't think of simple things like "because I steam everything from the channel's website, thank you, good bye!"

IN OTHER NEWS. It finally clicked that the reason why my anxiety has been through the fucking roof for the past six months is because I'm on fucking wellbutrin, and all of the meds I've tried before have done something for the ridiculous anxiety too, so I just assumed that wellbutrin would too, because I'm an idiot.

Fucking brain.

Adult-ish question.

  • Jun. 14th, 2010 at 11:15 PM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
Hello, internet! I have a question for everyone out there who is, you know, a functioning adult, and knows things like "How to tell if a credit card company is made of dicks" and such. This question is not actually about that, because I already know that Capital One sucks a bag of dicks. Which I wish I had known (or thought to research) when I was 18 and going "Yes, I can get a credit card now! Man, those viking commercials are lolzy..."

So, anyway, five years down the line of having a no annual fee card, they are like "Hey, guess what! We are going to start charging $59/year to let you use our card! WHADDAYASAY?" And, well, I say, "I have no fucking idea."

So, internet, tell me, is that a, you know, reasonable annual fee? Or is that a "jfc let this be the last straw and figure out how to transfer your god damn life insurance and cancel that fucking card" fee?

In other news, I forgot to take my meds yesterday, and while logically I should still feel okay for a couple days, because that is how psych meds work, I think, I so do not. Holy fucking crap.
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
It always kind of amazes me how much my unreasonable* paranoia lessens when I'm properly medicated. Last summer, I obsessively tried to get home before full dark hit, because walking across the yard to the front door wasn't "Fuck yeah, grass on my feet, about to eat dinner, life is good!" so much as "Okay, turn off the headlights at the last possible second and hurry up and lock the car and get to the front door and inside before Some Thing comes rasping out of the cemetery next door** to eat you but don't run because then it will know you're afraid and attack sooner and close the door behind you and stand back against it until you get your key out*** so if it tries to get in you can hold the door shut and walk-don't-run down the stairs to your apartment and unlock it and get inside and lock it behind you." When I had to let the dog out after dark, when I called him in, it wasn't ":D Hello dog! Get inside!" so much as me making ":|" faces and trying to figure out if he was actually my dog or just a dog that looked like my dog and had my dog's collar or not even a dog at all just a thing that looked like my dog.

...That all sounded a whole hell of a lot less crazy in my head.

IN OTHER NEWS. YOU GUYS I AM SO PROUD OF ME YOU HAVE NO IDEA. FIRST OF ALL, not only did I finish fic, but I posted fic. To my own journal! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HUGE OF AN ACCOMPLISHMENT THAT IS FOR ME. I totally forgot that when you don't post your fic to a sock, people who aren't your close friends actually comment. :DDDDDD

AND THEN RIGHT. AND THEN!!!! I got this delightful message in my email:

GSoC Acceptance Email

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-- MY THOUGHTS AT THAT POINT

Oh my god my proposal got accepted for GSoC and I am working with Dreamwidth and I got six months paid time from [staff profile] denise (WHICH OH MY GOD THANK YOU :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ) and BASICALLY WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS HOLY SHIT BEST. DAY. EVER.

Also, while I was out fucking around with the dog at my parents' yesterday, I realized that it's my favorite time of year again! If I ever get married, I want to be married in the mini orchard while all the apple trees are in bloom. In a couple months, that part of the yard will be full of free snacks and free pie filling. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Our apple trees in bloom. )

Dusting, by Marilyn Nelson )

* For a definition of unreasonable where the two examples I am about to tell are unreasonable, but things like paranoia about people lying to me all the time is totes reasonable.
** Next door as in four or five yards away.
*** The front door doesn't have a lock.

Fandom Meme

  • Feb. 4th, 2010 at 9:55 PM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
Today was a bad, bad day in terms of mood and feeling okay, so instead have a meme about fandoms! That I am making up from a mishmash of memes. YES.

Comment with the name of a fandom I'm familiar with, and I'll answer the questions from that Harry Potter meme about that fandom.

If more than one person says the same fandom, I will try to come up with different answers, or at least elaborate differently from my previous answers.

Flist Cut!

  • Oct. 19th, 2009 at 10:51 AM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
So, lately I've been really angry all the time. Like, so angry that I spend all day shaking and can't stop (or maybe I spend all day shaking and can't stop so I'm angry, I don't know.) Angry like I hate everyone on a general level, and if you're someone I talk to I loathe you for one reason or another which is why I'm not talking to you these past couple days, and if you're someone I'm still talking to don't worry, I fucking loathe you too, I'm just trying not to sabotage every single relationship I have.

Angry like I want to defriend my entire flist because every post makes me angrier. So angry that even just names showing up on my buddy list (or names not showing up on my buddylist, because lord knows I can't be consistent in what makes me angry) makes me want to punch walls until my fists bleed.

SO. IDK IF YOU'RE GETTING THIS, BUT I'M REALLY ANGRY LATELY. And none of my usual coping strategies (punching things, picking fights with certain friends, etc) are calming me down.

So I guess the next step is minimizing my exposure to things that make me angry. I've deleted lots of names from my buddylist, not because I don't welcome IMs from those people anymore, but because seeing/not seeing their names is making me pissed the fuck off. I mean, I'm sure this will not stop me from just doing a get-buddy-info a couple times a day and going "GOD THAT FUCKING WANKER" because it's not like I can erase screen names from my mind, and I wouldn't really want to because what if I want to IM them??

I've been counseled by close friends that perhaps I should not do things like defriend everyone on my flist that makes me angry because surely I will regret it in the morning, and while their advice was too late to stop me from sending angry emails to people, it was not too late to prevent a massive flist cut! HOORAY!

Instead, you get a minor one. I only dropped journals that I stopped reading months ago (ie, before I hit such epic levels of daily rage), so if you feel I've cut you in error, you can always bring it up with me but as much as I'm sure you are an awesome and fascinating person, I probably haven't. But you're awesome! And lovely as a person! Our fandom interests have just diverged a lot! Really!

In happier news, I went to King Richard's Faire with [livejournal.com profile] faded_lilac on Saturday and it was fucking awesome and I saw baby tigers and Hercules the liger again and I bought a didgeridoo (which lead to many didgeridon't jokes) and yet another bamboo flute, because really already having 12 of them is just too few.

And on Friday I went roller skating with [livejournal.com profile] brianne and that was pretty great too. There were no big cats, though, so really, it can't hardly compare.

Hey Internets, Remember Me?

  • May. 16th, 2009 at 6:16 PM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
So, basically, I haven't been posting because 1) I feel like crap, and 2) The only thing I have to say is "No kittens yet". So I'm saving you all from daily posts that just say that, by not posting.

What? Oh, right. Instead of adopting a kitten, I accidentally adopted a pregnant cat. Yeah, horrible idea, I know. But she's gorgeous and lovely and tinier than Murphy.

And no, there are no kittens yet.

lol crazy

  • May. 9th, 2009 at 8:58 PM
the_wanlorn: The Doubtful Guest (Default)
I'm having a really bad couple of days moodwise. Please excuse me.

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MICHAEL: One evening, a patient was brought into my clinic in the middle of the night. He was tortured so badly I couldn’t believe he was still breathing. A man was with him. It was the man on your radio. I’ll never forget the voice. He put a gun to my head and explained to me that my patient had robbed him and that he wanted me to save him so the pain would last longer. I did what I could. He said to come here for my money — my blood money. There’s a place between life and death. Amazing how long a man can linger there.
PRESCOTT: That’s enough, all right? Okay. Bring everything upstairs. We’re getting out of here. Tony? Tony, can you hear me?
THUG: What the hell is going on?
MICHAEL: I know this guy. He’ll have people outside the bank, in your truck,and on your boat. You have no idea who you’re dealing with.
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