Yesterday a bird pooped on me while I was in the car.

[the_wanlorn]

Really, that is all the exciting news I have. I am trying to start a small business but failing hilariously at it. IT IS COMPLICATED OKAY. At least I have a name.

Also, I've signed up for too many fic exchanges/contests and I think I need to drop out of some of them. I don't want to turn into That Ficcer, though. MY LIFE; SO HARD.

I made a budget recently! It turns out that it's literally impossible for me to live on one paycheck, my bills are more than that alone. So I've been killing myself with guilt and bad decisions and shit because my mum told me that if I was putting less than one whole paycheck into savings per month I was spending too much. Oops. That'll teach me to listen to her about anything.

Except it won't. It never does.

Comments

[clarity_bligh]

if I was putting less than one whole paycheck into savings per month I was spending too much.

AHAHAHAHA.
...no, really: seriously? Well, no wonder I fail at having any money, then.

[the_wanlorn]

Why is it everyone else's response is "LOL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" and my response was "Okay mum that sounds accurate!"

:( I AM SO GULLIBLE

[clarity_bligh]

Well, she IS your mother. You kind of have to believe her.

[kate]

Jesus christ, you're in your fucking twenties. Your mother is fucking crazy. I don't know anyone who can put half their salary into savings every month, and I certainly was living hand to mouth until just recently, and I'm nearly forty.

(Maybe she thinks you get paid weekly?)

[the_wanlorn]

No, she knows exactly how much I make every month and has said specifically that if I'm spending more than one paycheck a month I'm spending too much, which would make even less sense if she thinks I get paid weekly.

[kate]

Yeah, you're right. NUTS. SHE'S FUCKING NUTS. And also clearly has not had to live in the world we live in for quite some time.

[the_wanlorn]

She was shocked, shocked! when I pointed out that my bills alone come out to be more than one paycheck.

And then told me I only needed like $30 a month for food. SO I STILL SHOULD NOT BE SPENDING MUCH MORE THAN ONE PAYCHECK.

[kate]

DUDE SHE NEEDS TO TAKE A LOOK AT HER FUCKING GROCERY BILLS. BECAUSE I GUARANTEE THEY ARE AT LEAST $500 A MONTH.

NO ONE CAN SURVIVE ON $30 A MONTH OF FOOD, SERIOUSLY.

[the_wanlorn]

Actually! A 12-pack of Ramen is 1.25 at Walmart. I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN DO THIS.

[kate]

NO. I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS SCURVY.

>:(

[the_wanlorn]

OKAY FINE APPLES ARE LIKE. UM. IDK I'M SURE I CAN FIND APPLES I'D BE WILLING TO EAT SOMEWHERE FOR CHEAP.

[kate]

OMG STOP TRYING TO PROVE YOUR MOTHER RIGHT. SHE IS CRAZY AND DOES NOT LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD, AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE TRYING TO PUT AWAY THAT MUCH MONEY INTO SAVINGS. SERIOUSLY. EAT SOME GODDAMN FOOD.

[the_wanlorn]

Ramen and apples are food. >:(

[kate]

Okay, then, let me appeal to your phobia about getting sick.

Perhaps you should take a look at all the vitamins and minerals required for a healthy diet, and then note that it is *highly recommended* that you get these from FOOD because our bodies do not absorb vitamins as well as FOOD and then tell me how you're going to come even close to getting what you need from ramen and apples.

Seriously, if you do this, I'm going to start sending you a $50 gift card to a grocery store every paycheck.

[the_wanlorn]

I WILL SPEND IT ON RAMENS AND APPLE JUST FYI

THINK OF THAT

FIFTY DOLLARS WORTH OF RAMEN AND APPLES.

Besides, I don't care about getting sick, I care about having to go to doctors. So if I get sick I will just languish to death in my apartment and then the cats will eat me.

[soleta]

no, if you get sick you'll languish for a while and then someone will make you go to a doctor. SOMEONE LIKE ME. OR KATE. DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN HUH

[the_wanlorn]

ONLY IF YOU FIND OUT I'M SICK. WHAT IF I'M TOO SICK TO REACH MY COMPUTER TO WHINE AT YOU, HUH? WHAT THEN?

[soleta]

... bb, you have laptops.

[the_wanlorn]

Yeah well. Well. Yeah.

[kate]

OH AND ALSO! WHEN WE BUY YOU GROCERIES, WE USUALLY SPEND, WHAT, $250? AND WITH ALL THE TREATS AN WHATNOT, THAT PROBABLY LASTS YOU A WEEK, RIGHT? A WEEK. GRRRRRR.

OOH, HEY. YOU WANT HER TO SEE REASON? GO TO SAFEWAY.COM AND PUT TOGETHER A SHOPPING CART OF THE MINIMUM FOOD YOU NEED FOR A MONTH AND TOTAL IT UP. I BET THAT'LL SHOCK HER SOCKS RIGHT OFF.

[the_wanlorn]

Actually, that usually lasts me an entire month. I don't actually eat a lot!

[everysecondtuesday]

my mum told me that if I was putting less than one whole paycheck into savings per month I was spending too much.
Seriously? Does she even live in the real world? Maybe if you were a doctor or lawyer this might make some sort of sense, but. *boggles*

[dancesontrains]

D: Memer, your mum is crazy.

[maddeinin.livejournal.com]

This made even less sense until I remembered some countries give you money more than once a month. Either that or your mother is really strange.

Actually, that is still quite insane. What.

NEW CASTLE TONIGHT!!!

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get money every other Thursday, so twice a month. APPARENTLY IT IS STILL INSANE. IDK. IT SEEMED REASONABLE TO ME AT THE TIME.

I am so excited :D :D :D :D :D

[maddeinin.livejournal.com]

WHY WOULD ANYONE THINK SAVING HALF OF YOUR INCOME IS A VIABLE POSSIBILITY? OH BB. :DDDD:

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

Because I have no kids or mortgage! I basically have no responsibilities! IDK OKAY IT MADE SENSE WHEN SHE SAID IT.

[maddeinin.livejournal.com]

...

DO YOU WANT TO SHARE MY MOTHER, BB? She can actually count!

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

My mum can count too :( She's just crazy. :(

[silvergirl42.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily saying I agree with her, but maybe she means/thinks that unless you can put a whole paycheck into savings each month then your expenses are more than you can afford to sustain, by her standards?

[miss-daizy.livejournal.com]

Wow! We're big time savey-savers and we don't put nearly that much away a month. It's better to be consistent with an amount you can save than flail around putting too much in and then taking it out again.

Also, a bird pooping on your head is good luck!

[purgatori84.livejournal.com]

A business?! That's awesome!!!
And I know what you mean on the monies...I am down to $600. Total. Including savings. Grak.

[emiweebee.livejournal.com]

I have nothing to say other than ILU BB and I support your endeavors!