Ay yi yi yi

[the_wanlorn]

I am so sodding angry right now. Have you ever had a day where you can feel your sanity slipping away from you, inch by millimeter by inch? You start out the day perfectly fine, you wake up from an okay sleep and are just plain mellow. Then, as the minutes slip by, you realize you're slowly tightening up; no matter what you do, you can't bring that relaxed state back. It gets worse and worse as the day goes on. Right now, my skin is just barely containing a quivering mass of anxiety and rage. There's nothing left but that, a gelatinous mix underneath the surface, waiting to swell and ooze and tumble through the slightest tear in the covering plastic. I want to sleep, but I'm wide awake, and I can't handle falling asleep right now. ... Took a couple mouthfuls of NyQuil. That should do something to help, knock me out sooner than just staring at this screen would. I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can live in this house for that much longer. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it through the vacation. I need somewhere to go, and I have nowhere. I have empty offers that drift from lips like the last brown leaf off a dying tree. "We can see something's not right, so here, have this platitude, take comfort in the bones of the words." A cat sleeps next to me. The purr reminds me of a car motor, idling in a driveway on a distant street. Who's getting in? I think I should sleep while my mouth still tastes green.