Too bad mock turtle soup wouldn't work.

[the_wanlorn]

Woke up this morning after a measly three hours of sleep, and there was something... different about the common room. It took a moment to get my eyes propped open enough to see it - and make sure I wasn't dreaming - but, oh yes, there were, in fact, two large tanks in the middle of the room. Upon closer inspection, I found a turtle in each tank. A turtle! Two! In our common room! Unfortunately, the suite was empty, so I couldn't ask anyone where they came from. Or how long they were staying. Or if I would be permitted to feed people I didn't like to them. They looked like wee little snapping turtles, so sure they would eat people. Isn't that what snapping turtles do? Or maybe I'm thinking of sharks. As I was about to head down to breakfast, I heard a polite throat-clearing sound: "hrrhmm". Now, I was fairly positive that there wasn't anyone in the suite, but took another look around, just in case. As I was leaving Emily's room, I read it again: "hrrHMM". "Hey, Turtle-y dudes. You guys know who's making that noise?" I talk to animals - and inanimate objects - when I'm nervous. But I've never gotten an answer before. "Why, yes," the one in the tank nearest the bathroom said in a turtley voice. "I do believe I am the, er, 'person' you are looking for." "..." I said a few ellipses before responding. "Turtley dude? You can talk? This is the fucking weirdest dream I've ever had." "Not a dream, my dear girl," the turtle gently corrected me. "You are, in fact, wide awake. May I inquire as to where you are headed to this fine morning?" The turtle sounded vaguely British. That was vaguely disconcerting. "Um, breakfast. And then tutoring and then class." Maybe this was a waking dream. Or maybe Cylons had pulled a Baltar on me, 'cept with a turtle. A pair of turtles. Damn, I wished someone was around so I could at least eliminate the latter. "Jolly good! I do not suppose you would mind taking me with you?" He (I assumed, from the voice, it was a he) blinked slowly at me. "I, er, well, um." It took a few stuttering starts before I could find an appropriate talking-to-a-turtle-who-talks answer. "I think people would notice if there was a giant snapping turtle tagging along after me in the middle of Boston." "Come now! Just put me in your backpack and we shall be off!" "Well, what about the other turtle?" "Oh." The look of disdain was clear on his face. "Ignore it. There is no use associating with something without higher brain functioning." Ah. So only one turtley dude talked. Just as well, one was probably more than anyone could handle. "Well, I suppose..." Now I'm walking around with a turtle in my backpack. He's heavy, he talks a lot, and I still don't know what his name is. I don't know what I'm going to do when I leave tonight. What do you do with a talking turtle? Confused? Good.