the_wanlorn | Snakes on a Plane Review

So, uh. Snakes on a Plane. Do I even need to cut for spoilers?

Right, so. Let's start with the things I could've done with out. The two kids were gratuitous heart string tuggers. I was not a fan of the flight attendant or the partner dying.

Mostly, I think they should've taken out the man getting trampled to death. I'm sorry, I prefer my senseless violence to be either complete divorced from reality or completely real. Either have snakes killing people on a plane, or have a mosh-pit gone wrong. Not both.

But the good! Oh gods, the good! "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" "We need to build a barrier between us and the snakes!" "Snake! Get off my dick!" That last one there's my favourite.

The fuckin' PYTHON in the CEILING LIGHT was MASTERFUL. BURMERSE! FUCKING! PYTHON! I have never been SO OVERJOYED as when that thing fell down! Fuckin' HUGE. And playing the music video with Jackson in

wigu's shirt during the credits? Fuck yeah!

It began like it was going to be some cutesy romantic comedy. COMIC GOLD FUCKERS. That and the ending. I mean, you don't expect a movie that has a snake biting some girl's titty to begin with a fly-over of scenic Hawaii and end with surfing in somewhere-or-other-that-starts-with-a-B.

Plus, it was funny, in a horrifying sort of way. I mean, if you didn't laugh at the Mile High Club victims or the Peeing Guy Victim or that the only doctor was a swole up pumpkin, then, well, I don't want to be your friend. You're way too serious for me. Also: The big rapper dude was a germophobe. And the only guy who could land the plane had 2K hours with video game planes. ROCK ON.

Mostly, I love the fact that it was a kickass B movie and it knew that it was a kickass B movie. It was a gorram creature feature and it liked being a gorram creature feature. It didn't try to fake its way into being anything greater than a B movie, and it didn't try to pretend it wasn't fucking kick ass. It just played it like it was, and as a result didn't come out too hokey or corny or anything. It's right up there with Slither.

Things I Got Wrong: I thought that the python was an anaconda. I mean, fair mistake from a hobby herpatologist (and light on the hobby, at that!). They are both large, both constrict, and both have similar markings (anaconda: tan with black blotches, python: tan with leopard spots).

Things the Movie Got Wrong: Uhhhh, last I checked? Kingsnakes? And any other kind of snake in the milksnake family? Not poisonous. Easily accessible, yes! Thus an aid to low shooting costs, yes! But so. not. poisonous.

Here's a rumored quote* from Jackson at the 2006 MTV Movie Awards:

I'm here tonight to present the award everyone's been waiting for: bes tmovie. Now, this award holds a special place in my heart because next year I'll be winning it for Snakes on a Plane. Now I know, I know that sounds cocky, but I don't give a damn. I am guaranteeing that Snakes on a Plane will win best movie next year. Does not matter what else is coming out. The New James Bond... no snakes in that! Ocean's 13... where my snakes at? Shrek the Third... green, but not a snake. No movie shall triumph over Snakes on a Plane. Unless I happen to feel like making a movie called Mo' Motha-fuckin' Snakes on Mo' Motha-fuckin' Planes.

Let's end with some trivia from IMDB.

Samuel L. Jacksononly signed on for this film because of the title. It was later changed to "Pacific Air Flight 121", but Jackson demanded they reverse the change. "We're totally changing that back. That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title."

In March 2006 New Line Cinema, due to massive fan interest on the Internet, allowed for a 5 day reshoot to film new scenes to take the movie from PG-13 to a R-rated film (originally the film wrapped principal photography in September 2005). Among these additions is the Jackson character's line, "I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane," a line that originated in an anticipatory internet parody of the movie.

This film's title originated at an after-work happy hour among Hollywood colleagues to see who could come up with the most awful pitch for a movie. Producer David Berenson, who worked for Dream Works at the time, gave his pitch for this movie based on a script called "Venom."

Oh, and what, you ask, is Samuel L. Jackson's next movie titled? Black Snake Moan

*Well, I got it from this Wikipedia article. But as I can't find it verified anywhere else on the internet, I don't want to say that it's real.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

King Snakes are not poisonous. Coral snakes look similar to king snakes and are quite poisonous. Slightly different color pattern, but easily confused.

Or maybe I'm thinking of another snake. Eh, whatever. The point is, the movie was all kinds of awesome and I look forward to Snakes on a Train, Snakes on a Space Plane, and the Shakespearean play, Snakes on a Quatrain.

Nope, you're spot on about that. And they had coral snakes AND king snakes on the plane. I was like, what the hell! People are going to notice!

Or maybe I'm just weird like that. :-P

Ah, well, good of you to recognize both snakes there, then. You are skilled in the science of snakeology.

But I bet even you didn't know that when snakes look at the world, they see only shades of green! ;-)

Snakes on a Plane Review

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