the_wanlorn | Fic for April

Title: A Strong Bond
Author:

the_wanlorn
Disclaimer: The Doctor, Sarah Jane, and Rose belong to someone who is not me. Ciaren belongs to April. No profit is being made from this.
Spoilers: All of Doctor Who up to the end of the second season of the new series, and bits and pieces of Starchild.
Summary: A bit of a father/son scene between Ten and Ciaren, because April wanted one.

"No Ciaren, you can't do it. Just because you have redundancy systems doesn't mean you can't wear them out!"

"You don't think I can do anything! I never should have come here! I should've left as soon as I realized who you were! No, I should go back and warn myself not to come here so none of this ever happened."

"Oh now you're just exaggerating." The Doctor ran his hands through his tousled hair, grabbing two handfuls and pulling in frustration. He wished Sarah were up; humans wasted so much time sleeping, and only seemed to do it when he needed one of them to deal with a problem. This wasn't how having his son back was supposed to go. There were supposed to be adventures and laughter and not screaming at each other back and forth across the console in the middle of the night over something stupid and small. Except it *wasn't* stupid and small, was it? Just big enough to matter in all the wrong ways. "Besides, you know that time would heal itself, make a pretty little squiggle like I have no doubt you could do it if you were strong, just right now-"

"So I could do it if everything were different, Dad, is that it? If I weren't me I could just pop right over and grab her and pop right back, easy as la-di-da?" Spittle flew from Ciaren's lips as he paced back and forth, shouting in the rough voice of a teenager just starting to come into his own.

"You know that's not what I mea-"

"Well I can do it and I'll prove it and then you'll see!"

"Stop acting like a child Ciaren! You're- CIAREN DON'T!" The Doctor lunged forward, his fingers grasping as though they could stop his boy from slipping into another dimension entirely.

~

The problem with jumping from one dimension to another - much like the problem with most things that involved getting out of bed (and even some that didn't) - was that it took a lot of energy.

The problem with bringing something, someone, from one dimension to another was that it took even more energy. Every time an anorexic lifted the brittle bones that passed for feet to the floor, a little bit of one organ or another was eaten away to provide the energy to do it. And every time a not-so-healthy young Timelord bounced through dimensions like an errant ping pong ball, his redundant systems were made a little less redundant.

The problem was a simple maths problem: If a boy traveling in one direction goes through three dimensions to find the correct one, and a boy traveling in the opposite direction carrying a load of one human body only takes one jump, then how much of his internal organs does the boy have left?

The problem was that he was oh so tired and everything hurt and everyone was yelling and the floor was hard and maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.

~

In a literary world, Ciaren would have awoken slowly, and no one would have noticed until he made a sound to draw their attention. He would have time to lie with his eyes closed and ruminate on past events, to bring the reader up to speed on everything that had happened.

Unfortunately for the boy, he did not live in a book. As soon as Sarah noticed his breathing change, she clutched his hand a little tighter and whispered his name.

"Mum? Ow Mum, let go, I don't need my hand hurting with everything else." His eyes and mouth were dry and his head hurt like he was asleep for too long.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. Where does it hurt?"

Really, he was too tired to roll his eyes at her, and that was the only thing stopping him. "I'm pretty sure I can tell you the exact size and shape of every single one of my organs, if that gives you an idea."

"The Doctor said to give you these if you said that." Sarah slipped two tiny pills into his mouth. "Just let them melt under your tongue."

Ciaren grimaced as they melted. He hated the taste of strawberry. "Where's Dad now?" After doing all that he'd done for the Timelord, the least he could do was be by his bedside when he woke. Perhaps it hadn't been such a good idea to bring her back, if it meant his dad wasn't even going to have time to sit by his sick son...

"Coming through the door right now," the Doctor's voice preceded his body by a few bare seconds. "Go stay with her for a bit, Sarah Jane? I still don't want her alone for long right now."

With a tender kiss to his forehead and a promise to be back in a little bit, Sarah was gone. The Doctor paced back in forth in front of the seat she just vacated, and Ciaren could almost feel the confused anger radiating off of him.

"You're the one who wanted me to do it," he said sullenly, attempting to glare up at his dad and failing miserably when it became more imperative to stop his lower lip from trembling.

"I did not- You shouldn't- It wasn't-" The Doctor let out an inarticulate growl and whirled to face his son. "Don't you ever, ever scare me like that again."

For a brief moment, they stared at each other in shock, before Ciaren sneered, "Isn't this the point where you bemoan turning into your own father?"

"I never gave my father reason to say that to me. Now Rose, Rose must've told me that after every second adventure or so, especially the time on- oh but you're not distracting me like that. I am very displeased with you young man."

"Oh, so I almost die to bring your little girlfriend back to you, and you're displeased with me? Well how's that for thanks!" Now this just wasn't fair. It wasn't like he had gone off one some stupid little childish jaunt. He'd done it for his dad and he should be grateful, not all angry and yelling and unhappy. This wasn't how it was supposed to go at all.

"Well, no, of course I'm happy about that, that part was... fantastic! Yes, fantastic, I always did like that word.

"It was fantastic and how did you find her? No, don't answer that I'm still angry with you." He swooped down to pull Ciaren into a tight hug, the boy stiffening in surprise. "Oh I'm sorry, I almost forgot... How are you feeling? Did your mum give you the painkillers? Of course she did, silly of me to ask that."

"I, er, I'm a little sore but okay." The Doctor's manic phases still sometimes threw Ciaren for a loop, especially when it was from one extreme to the other like this.

"Right, well, you wouldn't be sore at all if you'd just listened to me and not gone in the first place!" And there he was, back to being angry. "What possessed you to do that? You know better than any of us how much it takes out of you to make a small jump, never mind jaunt halfway across time and space."

"I knew I could do it."

"And almost killed yourself in the process! Nothing is worth that, Ciaren, nothing."

He must be going crazy. He could swear that his dad's eyes were wet, like he was about to start crying. And that was just ridiculous! He pushed himself into a sitting position, thinking bitterly, all the better to yell with, my dear. "It's not your choice! I didn't need you before, and I don't need you now. I handled myself just fine before I even knew you were alive; that doesn't change now!"

"Yes. It. Does. Why would you do something like that? Bringing an entire human back with you? How did you know that it wouldn't effect her? Just because you can take jaunts to everywhere, doesn't mean a human can withstand it!"

"Oh, so is that what this is about? You don't care about me at all; you're just mad that I might've hurt your precious little girlfriend." He never should have come to the TARDIS in the first place.

"That's not what I me-"

"Did you ever think that maybe I just wanted you to be happy? That maybe I-" his voice hitched a little bit. "I just wanted you to believe in me?"

Tha Doctor stared, shocked into silence. Before he even made a conscious decision to move, he'd dropped onto the edge of the bed and pulled Ciaren into his arms, hugging him tightly. He let the fear that his only son had died wash over him, and finally let the frightened, angry tears fall. "Oh no. No, no no no no no. Of course I believe in you. Of course I knew you could do it, how could I not believe in you? You're my son and I am so, so very proud of you and amazed by everything you can do."

Ciaren was frozen in shock. He could feel his dad's tears soaking the shoulder and back of his white pyjamas. This was not how it was supposed to go at all. He'd take more shouting, lots more shouting, over his dad crying.

"Too many people have died because of me, Ciaren. Far too many people. I don't want you to be one of them." He paused for a moment, his breathing hitching. "Never you."

"I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry." He didn't know what to do. There was nothing about this sort of situation in the 'How to Deal With Your Lonely God Father' handbook.

Just as abruptly as he'd grabbed hold of Ciaren, the Doctor let go, turning away and swiping at his face. "Yes, well, it's fine. If you're well enough to go for a short walk, Rose wants to meet you."

-September 16, 2006

Fic for April

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