The Wanlorn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_wanlorn) wrote2008-05-08 10:52 pm
the_wanlorn) wrote2008-05-08 10:52 pm
If You Knew How Many Movies I Watched In A Week You Would Never Stop Mocking Me
So, I'm reading Good Scripts, Bad Scripts, for obvious reasons. Which means I'm (re)watching the movies that are discussed so that I'm not missing anything.
Cutthroat Island is one of the few I'm watching for the first time. And oh my. The amount of 'in love' that I am is obscene. I do not even understand how this is a bad movie. I mean, there's a pirate queen! As the main character! And so far (not that far in, I admit), she's not faily!! I AM SO IN LOVE.
As such, I would like to address some of the author's issues with the structure of the film.
Who's this lover Morgan leaves at the beginning?
...Uh, the guy's she shagging. [ETA: I'M LEAVING THAT TYPO THERE BECAUSE WTAF HOW DID THE APOSTROPHE-S GET ALL THE WAY THE FUCK OVER THERE??] You know, like almost all action heroes do.
Why is she leaving him?
Because she hears people coming for her.
And why did she get involved with him in the first place?
I assume because she wanted a good lay and was doing piratey things to him. You know, shag him and steal his family jewels at the same time. Literal family jewels. Not figurative. Although hey maybe she's into that sort of thing.
You'll find no answers in the movie. Nor will this lover pay off in a later scene or become a continuing character as Morgan's nemesis or savior, which would have justified his existence. Now you see him, now you don't.
What? The whole point of the lover bit was to show that Morgan is so badass that people know her by sight. I mean, she is a lady, and still famous enough a pirate to be recognized.
Morgan's taking over the ship is also a puzzle. The fact that there's no challenge from anyone is particularly curious, considering that Scully will later on become a traitor. Why does the crew trust Morgan to captain a ship? What job experience does she have?
Fair point. :( That was odd and I didn't particularly like it.
Why isn't there a scene where she mourns the death of her father?
Because he wasn't that important to the plot? Plus, action movies don't really have room for feelings. Anyway, his entire purpose for existing was to give Morgan his scalp.
As for Shaw, if Morgan buys him because he speaks Latin, then why have it that the map was written not in Latin, but backward? Why, in other words, throw out the one reason that justifies Shaw's presence in the movie? As far as that's concerned, once the map is translated, why does Morgan keep Shaw at all—why not resell him? No answers are available.
...Fair enough. I pretty much give Shaw a pass because 1) he looks like Wesley from The Princess Bride, and 2) he's the heroe's love interest hobviously.
What we do learn is that Morgan, in the spirit of all good traditional male action heroes, is without any character arc or conflict; she's a macho action hero at the start of the film and stays that way until the end. That's probably okay in itself, but by avoiding any internal conflict, the film is relying completely upon external conflict—which means action scenes—to carry the ball. With nothing to fall back on, the failure of a coherent plot guarantees the failure of the action, which in turn guarantees the failure of the film (which would translate into the failure of Carolco).
OKAY MAYBE I CAN ADMIT THAT I'M REALLY JUST ALL LOL DEFENSIVE BECAUSE THIS IS AN AWESOME PIRATE MOVIE AND I LOVE IT AND IT'S WONDERFUL. BUT STILL. SO FAR THE PLOT IS FINE, DAMNIT. IDEK WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. HE'S JUST WHINYPANTS BECAUSE, uh, he's supposed to be. But basically, this is his own fault for choosing a pirate movie to illustrate a crap script. PIRATE MOVIES ARE NEVER BAD. NEVER EVER. EVEN IF THE DIALOGUE IS LOLARIOUSLY TERRIBLE.
WHICH IT TOTALLY IS NOT IN THIS MOVIE.
REALLY.
IT'S NOT.
SHUT UP. >:(
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS YOU DIDN'T MAKE A PIRATE MOVIE. >:(
GTFO OF MY JOURNAL IF YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE THAT. >:(
It's not all that bad, really. It's, you know. Piratey. Sort of. STFU I'm going to bed.
Cutthroat Island is one of the few I'm watching for the first time. And oh my. The amount of 'in love' that I am is obscene. I do not even understand how this is a bad movie. I mean, there's a pirate queen! As the main character! And so far (not that far in, I admit), she's not faily!! I AM SO IN LOVE.
As such, I would like to address some of the author's issues with the structure of the film.
Who's this lover Morgan leaves at the beginning?
...Uh, the guy's she shagging. [ETA: I'M LEAVING THAT TYPO THERE BECAUSE WTAF HOW DID THE APOSTROPHE-S GET ALL THE WAY THE FUCK OVER THERE??] You know, like almost all action heroes do.
Why is she leaving him?
Because she hears people coming for her.
And why did she get involved with him in the first place?
I assume because she wanted a good lay and was doing piratey things to him. You know, shag him and steal his family jewels at the same time. Literal family jewels. Not figurative. Although hey maybe she's into that sort of thing.
You'll find no answers in the movie. Nor will this lover pay off in a later scene or become a continuing character as Morgan's nemesis or savior, which would have justified his existence. Now you see him, now you don't.
What? The whole point of the lover bit was to show that Morgan is so badass that people know her by sight. I mean, she is a lady, and still famous enough a pirate to be recognized.
Morgan's taking over the ship is also a puzzle. The fact that there's no challenge from anyone is particularly curious, considering that Scully will later on become a traitor. Why does the crew trust Morgan to captain a ship? What job experience does she have?
Fair point. :( That was odd and I didn't particularly like it.
Why isn't there a scene where she mourns the death of her father?
Because he wasn't that important to the plot? Plus, action movies don't really have room for feelings. Anyway, his entire purpose for existing was to give Morgan his scalp.
As for Shaw, if Morgan buys him because he speaks Latin, then why have it that the map was written not in Latin, but backward? Why, in other words, throw out the one reason that justifies Shaw's presence in the movie? As far as that's concerned, once the map is translated, why does Morgan keep Shaw at all—why not resell him? No answers are available.
...Fair enough. I pretty much give Shaw a pass because 1) he looks like Wesley from The Princess Bride, and 2) he's the heroe's love interest hobviously.
What we do learn is that Morgan, in the spirit of all good traditional male action heroes, is without any character arc or conflict; she's a macho action hero at the start of the film and stays that way until the end. That's probably okay in itself, but by avoiding any internal conflict, the film is relying completely upon external conflict—which means action scenes—to carry the ball. With nothing to fall back on, the failure of a coherent plot guarantees the failure of the action, which in turn guarantees the failure of the film (which would translate into the failure of Carolco).
OKAY MAYBE I CAN ADMIT THAT I'M REALLY JUST ALL LOL DEFENSIVE BECAUSE THIS IS AN AWESOME PIRATE MOVIE AND I LOVE IT AND IT'S WONDERFUL. BUT STILL. SO FAR THE PLOT IS FINE, DAMNIT. IDEK WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. HE'S JUST WHINYPANTS BECAUSE, uh, he's supposed to be. But basically, this is his own fault for choosing a pirate movie to illustrate a crap script. PIRATE MOVIES ARE NEVER BAD. NEVER EVER. EVEN IF THE DIALOGUE IS LOLARIOUSLY TERRIBLE.
WHICH IT TOTALLY IS NOT IN THIS MOVIE.
REALLY.
IT'S NOT.
SHUT UP. >:(
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS YOU DIDN'T MAKE A PIRATE MOVIE. >:(
GTFO OF MY JOURNAL IF YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE THAT. >:(
It's not all that bad, really. It's, you know. Piratey. Sort of. STFU I'm going to bed.
no subject
But...that's not bad, that's AWESOME!!! We never get female characters like that, and she's a pirate to boot??
I'M SORRY YOU CAN'T APPRECIATE THE GODLY THINGS IN LIFE YOU ARE GIVEN, REVIEWER :(
no subject
:( Maybe 1995 just wasn't ready for someone as kickass as her.
no subject
no subject