The Wanlorn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_wanlorn) wrote2008-07-08 11:31 pm
the_wanlorn) wrote2008-07-08 11:31 pm
Entry tags:
In Which I Am Really Fucking Tired
Jesus, I've had this window open since 4pm. I am the failiest LJ updater in the world.
So internet, I've been back in school for a week and two days now. I am, in fact, sitting in class right now! Aren't you proud of me?
While I was working, I was doing... okay. Not good, my meds still need to be tweaked a lot, but I was doing okay and getting up every morning and going to work and doing okay!
Of course, I've been back in school for a week and a half now, four days a week. And every morning I wake up and throw up and cry for a while because I have to go to class. And every night I go to sleep thinking "Please just don't wake up again tomorrow morning."
Oh hay, this is remarkable similar to the state I was in 6 months ago, when I stopped doing HW, and then stopped going to class, and then stopped going to quizzes! Except, you know, it took less than a day to start.
Basically, what I'm saying is, I'm thinking of quitting school again. Because I hate puking and I hate crying and I hate being suicidal and I hate feeling like this.
Oh shit, class is over, bye internet!
So internet, I've been back in school for a week and two days now. I am, in fact, sitting in class right now! Aren't you proud of me?
While I was working, I was doing... okay. Not good, my meds still need to be tweaked a lot, but I was doing okay and getting up every morning and going to work and doing okay!
Of course, I've been back in school for a week and a half now, four days a week. And every morning I wake up and throw up and cry for a while because I have to go to class. And every night I go to sleep thinking "Please just don't wake up again tomorrow morning."
Oh hay, this is remarkable similar to the state I was in 6 months ago, when I stopped doing HW, and then stopped going to class, and then stopped going to quizzes! Except, you know, it took less than a day to start.
Basically, what I'm saying is, I'm thinking of quitting school again. Because I hate puking and I hate crying and I hate being suicidal and I hate feeling like this.
Oh shit, class is over, bye internet!
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But it's okay! I have a crazydoctor appointment on Thursday and I'm not actively having-of-a-plan-and-shit suicidal and hey, I was like this last fall and when I started improving in January (aka when I started work) we just assumed the meds were finally at a good level SO BASICALLY I will be okay! I just might need to quit school to be that.
♥
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Can you think of stuff you could do to distract yourself?
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It's really just I go to bed every night hoping I die in my sleep, and then the next morning when it turns out I haven't, I, you know, work myself into a puking & crying fit because I have to go to school.
I'm seriously too lazy to actually ever actively commit suicide, swear to god. I'm just sick to death (lololol ♥puns♥) of hoping I die every night.
BASICALLY. WHAT I AM SAYING. Is for serious do not worry about me!
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So I guess what I'm saying is that, while it's important to consider all of the ramifications and whether the alternative is really better, ultimately you've got to do what's best for you. And if you ever want to talk to someone who's gone the quit-school-and-work-for-a-few-years route, I'm here.
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