I think I'm going to be okay...

[the_wanlorn]

Mmkay. So Jon and I ended up talking on the phone for a good 40 minutes tonight because I needed some more questions answered so that I could let things go, and all that jazz. I still feel kind of bad cuz I know that he would've rathered that I wait a bit before bringing everything up. But I'm glad I didn't decide to wait until he was okay with it. I feel much better now. After, you know, actually talking, I realized that there was a part of my that was really hurt and upset cuz, yeah, I do still love him. But then there was another part of me that was upset and terrified that I was going to lose him as a friend, cuz I like him, too. Does that make sense? I mean, I know it makes sense, but did the way I describe it make sense? And I was upset/worrying that Jon-as-a-friend was going to be really different than Jon-as-a-boyfriend. But he pretty much reassured me that, well, the "fringe benefits" that I brought up weren't going to be gone. Okay, so. I'm still incredibly sad and upset and stuff. But now it's not "Ohmigods this hurts so incredibly much and I just lost him forever." It's more "Okay, yeah, this really hurts and I still love him, but we're definitely going to be friends, at least for a while. Hopefully a long while, but I'll take what I can get." But thinking about food doesn't make me nauseous anymore, and it's been... 35 hours since I've eaten (give or take) (yes, I KNOW it's bad for me but when I get wicked upset, I get wicked nauseous - thinking about making breakfast this morning made me puke up all the bile that was residing in my stomach). So I think I'm going to go get something quick to eat. Or maybe I should just wait till breakfast cuz I don't think there's much that I want that can be made right now. And then, since I've slept utterly horribly for the last two nights, I think I'm going to go to bed. Faretheewell to all, and to all a good night! Oh! Jon, I don't know if you read this all the way through, but if you did, remind me to send you those two songs/give you the PW to my gmail account cuz I sent them to myself this morning and was going to give them to you today, but... yeah... kinda got distracted. That is, assuming you still want them.

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