The Wanlorn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_wanlorn) wrote2004-10-27 03:29 pm
the_wanlorn) wrote2004-10-27 03:29 pm
Entry tags:
Tired
I'm tired. Not tired as in "oops, didn't get enough sleep last night". Tired in a general way. Tired of filling out college apps. Of going to school. Of dealing with people. Of checking email. Of reading fanfics. I'm tired of everything. I don't want to do anything but sleep all day. No, sleep for a couple of years. But I did that during vacation and it didn't help. But I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I get a good 11 or 12 hours of sleep at night, that I'll feel better in the morning. But I never feel better. This is why I don't do anything. This is why I sit in front of my computer all day. Time goes fast. I'll be sitting here, bored out of my ever-lovin' mind but not willing to do anything cuz I'm so tired and glance at the clock and it's 5pm. I look down 10 minutes later, and it's half past eleven. Suddenly my homework's due in half an hour and I haven't started it, then I do a half ass job because I just. Don't. Care. But it doesn't feel like time's going fast. It's like everything's in this gray haze. The days melt into one another until it's this long string of existence. Or, no, a long string of nothing. I wish I could blame this on Jon dumping me. I wish I could take a step back, look at it, and say, "Oh, it's just because I'm going throw an exceptionally painful time in my life right now, but it will get better." I wish I hadn't been feeling like this since 9th grade. This is part of the reason why, when Jon and I were doing things, I never had an opinion. I didn't care what we were going to do, cuz I didn't particularly want to do any of it. I was just going along for the ride because there was nothing else I could do. It's not like I could've said "I just wanna laze around all day and do something mindless so that maybe, if I don't expend any energy today, I'll wake up tomorrow and be okay." And it's not really any different when I'm hanging out with my friends. Which I don't ever really feel like doing. So, I guess what I want to know is, is this normal? Is this just a "teenage angst" thing? I look around at everyone else and it doesn't seem like this is how they're living their lives. But then again, does it seem like this is how I'm living mine? I don't know. |
no subject
(Anonymous) 2004-10-27 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)Honestly, you're describing EXACTLY how I feel since I started school. Ok, no, since AJ 'dumped' (for lack of a better word) me. It's not so much misery over the loss of him as a friend for me, but the gaping hole left in my time. I have no friends I see regularly so everything just blends together and it doesn't matter if I shower or sleep too much. I have nothing to do but eat, sleep, and surf the net. This is punctuated by the drab misery of school and work. Today I was exceptionally tired so I skipped work. I figured I'd be able to get all cleaned up and ready for class this evening, but before I knew it, it was time for class and I didn't even have any clean clothes to wear and hadn't showered. All I did today was sleep until 12, sit on my ass, eat, and watch Maya y Miguel on PBS... It's all I ever do anymore. I want to be freed and inspired but it's just not happening. I sympathize with you.
--Lando
no subject
oh yeah. we had the EXACT same conversation last night. well you know how i feel and you're not alone. :-b
no subject
ok i feel bad cuz im not saying much here. but just to let everyone reading this know, nire and i had this exact convo last night and i feel the same way as her and have ever since 10th grade. in fact, i think some of that stuff is quotes from stuff we said in our convo.
no subject
Yeah, this is normal and no, it's not just a teenage thing....we all go through it now and again....kind of a sort of ennui?
It'll get better...then it'll get worse again :-P
But overall, sweetie....there will be more better than worse, really.