The Wanlorn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_wanlorn) wrote2004-11-23 09:19 pm
the_wanlorn) wrote2004-11-23 09:19 pm
Entry tags:
More Sad Boredom
Today was a classic "Nire is unbelievably stressed out for no reason" day. My stomach was all clenchy and squeezy and icky, my heart was pounding all day, I didn't eat much, and I was sweating all bleedin day. I hate days like that. Out of the 7 classes I had this week, I went to 2. In one of the ones I skipped, there was a quiz. Of course. Cuz I'm a loser and am going to fail calc not because I don't understand it (cuz I do!) but because I can't be arsed to go to a 9am conference. I need to ask Jon something, but he hasn't been online in a couple days and I don't feel able/welcome/whatever to emailing him/calling him/whatever. Here's to hoping that I remember his question by next time he's online. *CLINK* Alicia just emailed me. Weird. Ah, mass email. Fun. I hate Thanksgiving. And turkey. And pretty much all the food that goes with it. Except for stuffing. I loooooove stuffing. I wish the next 3 days were just random days we got off instead of a holiday. When did I stop fitting in? No, when did they stop making room for me and when did I stop trying? And why can I never live up to anyone's expectations? I used to have a list of people who were exempt when I used words like, "anyone" and "Everyone". That list keeps dwindling. I want a family. I'm sick of being four people that live together. I'm sick of everyone else's holiday plans. I'm sick of people that go away, that do things, that have each other. I'm not so bad. I just hate to see a good time had by everyone but me. I hate November. Getting older changes perceptions. I've spent this year eagerly anticipating Christmas. I convinced myself that last year was just a fluke. That everything would be better this year; it would be like I remembered from when I was little. Deep down, I know I'm wrong. I want to steal someone else's family for the holidays. A bit of a Shelley poem: We look before and after, And pine for what is not: Our sincerest laughter With some pain is fraught; Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought. Interesting, considering everything:  Narrator. I am not special. I am not a not a unique snowflake. I am not my job. I am not my car. I am not how much money I have in the bank. I'm not my fucking khakis. What Aspect of Fight Club Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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anyways im sorry nire, enjoy thanksgiving break and just take a rest. sleep and eat and watch movies; get some energy back cuz it sounds like you're drained.
ohh fight club!!! i took that test and got the same result. seriously, lets start a fight club. i keep having more and more urges to fight just for fun.
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Actually, I'm not sure what you would be paranoid about because I don't remember writing this entry even though I did it only a little bit ago but whatever, I don't think I was thinking about you at the time so you're good.
I am so drained and tired and unhappy and it's ONLY B TERM.
::dies::
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(Anonymous) 2004-11-24 05:23 am (UTC)(link)I'm having a psychic flash that you are going to have a great Christmas. I'm so not kidding either. Honestly, excellent Christmas in your future. Cheer up, before you know it, November will be OVER.
And, families just suck. It's a true shame you can't pick your own. If you get along with them and have a great relationship, you're dirt poor, or just the opposite scenario, or somewhere in the middle with money struggles AND communication unpleasant-ness. Deep down you know you love them and vice/versa. Plus if not you're stuck with them for at least a LITTLE bit longer, so, might as well buck up and enjoy the time with them you have. Unless they're so absolutely godawful that they make everything just more miserable. Which is a possibility. La vie a beacoup d'intrigue.
--Lando