the_wanlorn | Weird Conversations

Okay, I'm not promising that this is going to be today's last entry because I'm probably going to peak around 10 and then hit rock bottom a bit before midnight and post another really unhappy entry.

Just had a bit of an odd conversation with Jon. Odd as in the timing was odd. Sort of. A bit of background first.

So. I was getting pissed off two weeks ago. Fuck, I'm trying to write this in a non-inflammatory way because I don't want to deal with any repurcussions right now (even though they wouldn't come right now so why am I bothering? I'll probably be rarin' to go by the time they roll around...), and it's harder than I thought it would be. Mostly cuz I'm not quite sure what would be inflammatory and what would not be.

Okay, getting back on track.

I was pissed off because, well, when I'm the one who does the majority of the contacting it makes me angry, moody, and insecure. It makes me unsure if it's just because the other person is wicked busy or if it's because hesheit (remind me to rearrange that into a sayable word sometime) doesn't want to talk to me at all but is too nice to tell me to fuck off.

Basically, I decided that I wasn't going to IM Jon anymore (and by "anymore", in reality, I meant "for a while"). But I didn't want to say anything to him or say anything here because I couldn't figure out a way to phrase it that A) didn't come out completely bitchy, B) didn't come out incredibly mean/ununderstanding, and C) left it clear that I was bound to change my mind any second and, in fact, bound to change my mind at some point in the future, and for that to be okay and not make me look like a dumb hypocrite or something.

So, today he came online and I'd sort of been thinking about all that today, and I said hey to him (which was okay cuz he'd im'ed me a couple days ago) and we talked for a bit (and I'm pissed cuz I already forgot what I needed to ask him! Figures, I post about it, and promptly forget it...). And at the end of the conversation, he basically said the just because he doesn't IM me doesn't me that he doesn't want me to IM him.

Okay, that was worded very badly. But you get the point.

I said to myself, "Ahhhh stop reading my mind Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!"

It was weird. But I can live with that for now until I start doubting it again.

And now I think I should delete this instead of posting it. Hmmmmmmm.

Weird Conversations

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